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Joke of the Day

"I'm the kind of guy who would feel morally obligated to eat what I kill... So please don't try to rob my house..."

"Finding Money Reaching into a pair of pants and finding a wad of money is a great feeling . . . . until the person wearing the pants starts screaming."

"I never know the proper handshake to give a black guy wearing a suit."

"What do you call a star-spangled pubic wig? A'merkin"

"I used to be addicted to soap... ...I'm clean now"

"What do you call a cow... What do you call a cow with three legs? *Tri-tip.* What do you call a cow with two legs? *Lean beef.* What do you call a cow with no legs? *Ground beef.*"

"People who cough loudly don't go to the doctor... They go to the cinemas."

"Can we all agree to just stop what we're doing for 5 minutes and get a worldwide airplane safety speech and then we can skip them forever?"

"Here, let me show you the proper way to micromanage."

"A small village soup chef tried to make a bit of extra money on the side, selling boullion cubes laced with marijuana... It was the laughing stock of the whole town."