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Joke of the Day

"One I made up..... What do you call a cross between a dog and a turtle? A cross. The animals around it have no effect on its name duh."

"[Rumpelstiltskin comes to take first born son] ""Give me what you promised unless you can guess my name"" Here ""Aren't you going to guess?"""

"I like my coffee like I like my women... Ethiopian and full of milk. (I'm so sorry)"

"Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, ""Do you know how to drive this thing?"""

"I sleep less, I'm tired. I sleep more, I'm tired. Life is impossible."

"What is Donald Trumps least favorite day of the week? Taco Tuesday."

"I ran into my old girlfriend at the airport, boy she has a lot of baggage."

"My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means she can eat anything off the floor if she waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter."

"What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose."

"Under Bush we had 3 Shrek movies. Under Obama we had 1. Can we really trust a president whose #1 goal was to bring down the Shrek franchise?"