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Joke of the Day

"I'd like to buy a bed please. Certainly madam. Spring mattress? Oh no! I want to be able to use it all year."

"Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn't know you did that for fun."

"I visited Canada and got an STD Hepatitis A."

"Just waiting for Steve Harvey to come out and say it's actually Clinton any second now"

"As I rowed my little boatToward the river shore,A small black bird kept me from landing,Quoth the raven, ""never moor."""

"If I had a nickel for every hot woman at Ross I saw... I'd forget about all the money I made because I fucked them all."

"How are blind kids punished by their parents? The parents move the furniture."

"[ouija board] Who are you? *board begins spelling* G-R-E-E-N--M-A-R-I-O What the -- a Luigi Board?! W-A-H-O-O--I-T-S-A--M-E"

"An asian asks for help at an airport... Asian: ""why is my plane late? It said it would be here at 6:30."" Airplane help guy: ""fluctuations."" Asian: ""fluck you americans too."""

"Did you know Helen Keller had a dollhouse? Neither did she."