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Joke of the Day

"I don't understand how people can do such good impersonations. I can't even be myself around other people."

"When a family member unexpectedly dies what's the proper waiting period before removing their stick figure from the back of the minivan??"

"[NSFW] A Jelly Baby goes to the Doctor... Jelly Baby: ""Doctor, Doctor, my penis has gone black."" Doctor: ""What have you been doing?!"" Jelly Baby: ""I don't know... Fucking allsorts!"""

"My sleeping pills say to take them and immediately go to bed, but I feel like I have plenty of time, so km ufmcmszbv ishzn hdu flerf."

"My wife said the infinity scarf I got her is too small and I said: ""That's mathematically impossible."" Anyhoo, we're divorced now."

"The fact that your guy friends stop being funny after getting a girlfriend is proof enough that women are soul sucking banshees."

"Some Doctors see Private Clients Other Doctors see their Client's Privates."

"Why can't you fool aborted babies? Because they weren't born yesterday."

"Blows you, kisses See proper punctuation is important"

"The EU has said that more needs to be done to help the Syrian refugees, especially the children. May I recommend swimming lessons?"