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Joke of the Day

"Lazy rule #35: If you spill some water, it will eventually dry."

"Guns don't kill people. Dying kills people."

"What does a Mermaid bring to math class? An algae-bra."

"Why was Luis Suarez expelled from the rap contest? Because he was biting."

"How do you make a tissue dance? By putting a little boogie in it!"

"Cargo pants are for when you want to wear khakis, but also want to be a backpack."

"I say we give them 1 more day and if they can't come to an agreement then we initiate the 1st U.S. Hunger Games."

"George Carlin: Dead. Leslie Nielsen: Dead. Mitch Hedberg: Dead. Greg Giraldo: Dead. Dane Cook: A-Okay. God has some explaining to do."

"Why don't soccer players get hot while running? Because they hve so many fans"

"Plot twist: two birds kill YOU with one stone."