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Joke of the Day

"Does anyone know how to take care of a Fern? Asking for a frond."

"What is the worst thing about locking your keys in your car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger."

"The rare times my cat comes to me for affection, I run and hide under the bed, so she knows what that feels like."

"Which video game do Mexicans play the most? Borderlands"

"[william shakespeare as an 8yo] dad: bedtime william: dost thou not... dad: [interrupting] STOP TALKING LIKE THAT!"

"I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex. He's a small arms dealer."

"Today i started stalking guys. Not for any gay reason but it's so much easier to do. Women always complain, guys don't suspect a thing."

"A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It's a **shitzhu**."

"Went to see a show about the dictionary. It was a play on words."

"The human soul weighs 1.2lbs. I know because I've weighed myself before and after I walk into my job"