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Joke of the Day

"Can't wait for the first bad thing to happen in 2017 so I can post ""what is this, 2016?"" Ha! Today an on duty seeing eye dog growled at me."

"My girlfriend is sick of me pretending that I'm a lockpicker. Girlfriend: ""I'm sick of you pretending you're a lockpicker. We should break it off."" Me: ""But then it might get stuck inside the lock!"""

"What's the most positive thing in Harlem? HIV."

"My girlfriend likes to play this weird game.. Where she dresses up like herself and acts like a bitch all the time."

"Women have all the answers to all your questions.nnnAnd you don't even have to ask."

"Once you stop doing functional programming... You never return"

"My grandma has been lying to me for years. A watched pot really does boil. Moral of the story, trust no one."

"You know why it is that when a flock of birds fly in a 'V' formation one side is always longer the other? There's more birds on that side."

"I was in Starbucks the other day and I saw a guy who dropped his coffee on the floor by mistake..... I said to the man ""wow, you actually dropped it like it's hot"""

"How do dragons in Antarctica stay warm? They always have several lairs."