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Joke of the Day

"10 years ago I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date,. Today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times."

"How did the ghost song-and-dance act make a living? By appearing in television spooktaculars."

"So I was looking for pedophiles in my neighborhood using one of those websites and it asked me to register. Now I am legally obligated to tell you that I am a sex offender"

"Why did the rapper die after being shot? He forgot 2pac his bullet proof vest"

"The clock was hungry... So he went back four seconds"

"What did the scientist say when a stranger came inside his lab? What the fuck dude get the hell away from my dog!"

"ACQUAINTANCE: (crying) Nobody likes me ME: I like you ACQUAINTANCE: (crying harder) Nobody good likes me"

"Two young hot girls in bed. k"

"Why is this joke bad for the environment? Because it wasn't recycled."

"I truly believe that there are some people who listen to you when you talk and there's other people who just wait for it to be their turn."