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Joke of the Day

"It's a shame push-up bras don't work on IQs."

"Why do you never see a crackhead over 30? Cause they're fucking dead"

"With all of this technology, you would think we would have exercise equipment that simulated scenes from Jurassic Park to actually motivate my ass to run."

"Why are atoms untrustworthy? They make up everything. Credit to /u/ipsokinetikon from an askreddit thread about what not to trust."

"What did the hipster epidemiologist say to United States citizens at a press conference? You probably won't get it."

"Me: *goes to jail for murdering coworkers* Boss: You're still coming in early tomorrow, right?"

"What is the difference between a woman and a hippo? One has an overly big mouth and a fat ass and one lives in the water."

"Everyone is an atheist until you zip your fly up too quick Then its all Lord Jesus please help"

"I broke up with my gym We just weren't working out."

"Two fish are in a tank one turns to the other and says ""do you know how to drive this thing?"""