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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a woman and a hippo? One has an overly big mouth and a fat ass and one lives in the water."

"What has two legs and bleeds profusely? Half a cat"

"Why did ancient Egyptians love beans? They made Tootin' Common."

"My wife dressed up as a police woman last night and giggled, ""You're being charged with being good in bed..."" After two minutes she said she was dropping the charge due to lack of evidence."

"Watching tv with 4 and now he knows the word crescent. All I learned as a kid was how hard to hit a cat with a frying pan without killing it"

"The punchline is ""because he was trying to make ends meat."" You make up the joke. Let's see what you got."

"My boss accused me of having OCD... I soon put him in his place."

"Wife: He keeps his friend close so he doesn't lose him Therapist: Not a bad thing Me [yawns and a bee flies from my mouth]: Come back Alan"

"How do you cook vegatables in the microwave ? Take them out their wheelchair."

"If it looks like a duck & swims like a duck & talks like an angry duck policeman, then you about to fail a sobriety test son"