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Joke of the Day

"What do you tell a man with two black eyes? Nothing, he's been told twice already. (And be cool, if you get the reference keep quiet and let em wonder.)"

"Every time someone uses the word ""intense"", Chuck Norris always replies ""you know what else is intense?"" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face."

"If the opposite of ""pro"" is ""con"", then what's the opposite of ""progress""? ""Cliche jokes""."

"Why is the biggest nose only 11 inches? Because if it was 12 inches it would be a foot!"

"hey tomorrow you could be hit in the head by a block of cheese so frickin live ur life today before you have to wear ice on ur head tomorrow"

"Death. Resurrection. Saviour. I believe in Robocop."

"Fun tip - instead of going on vacation with a baby, stand outside until you're sunburned, then light $1,000 on fire."

"We need to run the government like a business. Specifically a Quizno's with a bat infestation, staffed by emotionally unbalanced retirees."

"wife calls and says ""i think the carburetor is flooded"" experienced husband starts from the top. ""honey, where is the car?"" ""at the bottom of the pool"""

"'William I've been told that you have been fighting with the boys next door' said mum. 'yes but they're twins so I wanted some way to tell the apart.'"