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Joke of the Day

"What Did Chris Christie Give Up For Lent? The US Presidential Campaign!"

"Just bought lean chicken breasts instead of hot wings for supper because I'm a stupid fucking mature adult."

"How many potatos do you need to kill an Irishman? None."

"Women are a lot like cars. You rarely get a brand spanking new one, and as soon as you've been in it once. It loses more than half its value."

"How do you get a Twinkie pregnant? Put it in box of Ding Dongs. What is it afterwards? A HoHo"

"The last person you would ever hear say ""hey gang"" is someone in an actual gang"

"What's the loudest thing in the last two Harry Potter films? Deaf Lee's ""HELLO!"""

"I refuse to go bungee jumping.... ... I came into this world because of a broken rubber, I'm not leaving because of one."

"I lied. There was no crime. I just wanted to see how long it would take the police sketch artist to realize I was describing Patrick Swayze."

"What do you give an actor playing the role of an angry street gang member? Mad props..."