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Joke of the Day

"I only watch Storage Wars to see if they find my ex's body. Just kidding. I like the show. And she's buried in the woods."

"B: Girl you so fine, I rate you a 9 3/4. G: Why? B: Because I wanna put myself in you. Harry Potter pickup line"

"Whats the best way to watch porn? In double HD."

"I don't need a pair of underwear, I just need one clean underwear."

"My uber driver asked me how my day was so I opened the door and quietly rolled into the road."

"I'd give these pigeons some bread but they'd probably just spend it on drugs."

"I'm not saying we should kill all the stupid people in the world, I'm just saying we should remove the warning labels from everything and let the problem take care of itself."

"Roses are red, Violets are Blue. I have one mom, Kylie Jenner has two."

"I wish my x was raised in the power of 2. Then she'd always be positive."

"Q: Why did the haunted house not like rain? A: Because it dampened his spirits."