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Joke of the Day
"Asians are such bad drivers.. I'm beginning to think Pearl Harbor was an accident."
Next Joke
"*brings a super-magnet to a knife fight* *discovers that stainless steel is not magnetic*"
"Welcome to Starbucks how may I help you? ""Regular coffee with cream please"" That's $40, 5ml of unicorn tears, and 10 dragon scales. ""TEN?"""
"What did the two lesbian vampires say to each other? Same time next month?"
"The main difference between men and women.... .... is what comes to mind when the word 'Facial' is used."
"HER: I love Deadpool ME: I love Dead Pool HER: Oh, cool, you read comics too? ME: *staring out at pond where I toss victims' bodies* Hmm?"
"A kid has cancer Then he gets AIDS from his mom"
"Told my kids to get rid of toys they don't play with, so if you hear a commotion it's just them desperately playing with every toy they own."
"When Jerry Seinfeld dies... I really hope his tombstone says: *Jerry Seinfeld 1954 yadda yadda yadda 20XX*"
"""Is my butt is too big?"" my girlfriend asked, staring at her reflection in the mirror. Sensing a trap, I fell to the ground and played dead."