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Joke of the Day

"HER: I love Deadpool ME: I love Dead Pool HER: Oh, cool, you read comics too? ME: *staring out at pond where I toss victims' bodies* Hmm?"

"[God creating the frog] ""How about a really stupid-looking kangaroo fish?"""

"My keys always end up in the pocket opposite of my free hand."

"How did Saddam deal with his leftovers? He used sarin wrap"

"Why do mice have such small balls? Because not very many of them can dance."

"What's black and white and red all over? Battleship Potemkin"

"How do you know you're at a gay BBQ? All the hot dogs taste like shit."

"Women are just like an oven before you stick any cake batter in them, you have to preheat."

"A sandwich walks into a bar The bartender looks at it and says, ""Sorry, we don't serve food here."""

"Why is poop tapered? So your butt hole doesn't slam shut!"