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Joke of the Day

"Apparently Mr. Skeltal joined the band Imagine Dragons. I heard they were going back to their doots."

"It must really suck working for a calendar company You can't take any days off"

"""You see those footprints? It looks like our killer had feet."" - If you want to know why I was fired as a writer on CSI."

"i must be really good on the phone Whenever I call a company, they tell me they are going to use my call for training purposes."

"I just found out what ballerinas call their dresses. I just put two and two together."

"Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers? I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those. Wait. Two. I have 2 kids."

"How many Redditors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It doesn't matter, they'll just compliment it a lot and then complain because it won't screw."

"[Batman's parents return after 40 years] Surprise!! Wait, wtf are you wearing?"

"What do people and pizza have in common? If they're black, they can't feed a family."

"I'm scared. I have this weird stabby pain in my chest and it really hurts and..Dorito. It was a Dorito in my bra."