210002

Joke of the Day

"What's up? the ceiling"

"Are you a geologist? You can analyse my rocks anytime ;)"

"I don't talk about it a lot but I've been to outer space many times."

"[screaming over sirens] I SAID ACTUALLY YOU'RE NOT ""FIGHTING"" THE FIRE YOU'RE WATERING IT"

"The Push Up ice cream company should just buy out Pringles and make all of our lives easier."

"There were 5 peanuts walking down the street... ...and one was assaulted...peanut."

"What do you call a family that runs a gas station? Pump kin."

"Me: How's it look? Doc: You have 2 months to live M: WHAT?? You're my dentist! D: Then you don't need to come back for a cleaning in 6 mos"

"What's your opinion on the mobius strip debate? I find it a tad one-sided."

"A friend asked me if it was wrong for him to send messages to himself online in order to appear more popular on social media I said ""No, go on, tweet yourself."" Shamelessly stolen from Jimmy Carr."