209316
Joke of the Day
"I like my women like I like my milk... Rich, white, and 2% fat"
Next Joke
"DATE: Are you a dog person or a cat person? ME: *gets really close to the date & whispers* I'm just a person, what bullshit question is this"
"What do you call a Mexican vs a Mexican in basketball? Juan on Juan"
"Hi welcome to Hollister, would you like a flashlight?"
"Thieves broke into my house and stole everything except my soap. Dirty bastards."
"The Water Board sent me a notice saying that my bill was a year old, I obviously apologised for forgetting, and sent them a birthday card."
"Sorry I'm two hours late for work but I was trying to open a Toaster Strudel icing packet with wet hands."
"I'm texting hubs a grocery list one item at a time so he can experience his phone blowing up"
"Republicans were just informed about the effects of Global Warming on the polar ice caps They're losing their cool!"
"MUGGER: Empty your pockets! ME: But these are cargo shorts. (45 min later) ME: That's the left one MUGGER: Seriously. ME: I am SO sorry"