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Joke of the Day
"Why don't Natives like snow? Because it's white, and it's on their land."
Next Joke
"I got a new thesaurus Its pretty bad, though. Not only that, it's also bad."
"Dolly Parton and Princess Diana Go To Heaven"
"Porn has lied to me. The repairman doesn't show up instantly after I call."
"""what if today's the day you learn about tacos and ostriches? You don't want to miss that, do you?"" - me manipulating my kid to school."
"Now that Fall is here, do you think all the teenage girls with duck-faces will fly South for the winter?"
"Why did the rope not get any presents? Because he was knotty."
"I stuck a ""Baby On Board"" sign on my minivan to warn the other drivers how fussy and tantrum-y I get when traffic's bad or I miss my nap."
"That's 49 -7 in dog goals."
"My credit card number is 4339-8245... Wait. Is this Amazon?"