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Joke of the Day

"A blind guy walks into a bar... Bartender: ""What can I get you?"" Blind guy: ""I'll take a coke."" Bartender: ""Ice or no ice?"" Blind guy: ""No eyes...I'm blind you idiot!"""

"*is at the movies with hot date* *does fake yawn to put arm around her* *yawns too hard and inhales a child from the row in front* *dies*"

"ATTN: I'm looking for a new girlfriend Are you: 1. Between the age of 11-69? 2. Mostly female? 3. Trained to poop outside? DM for details"

"The guy next door just put up his Christmas lights... I bet he's pissed because I beat him, I put mine up 5 years ago.."

"Someone said to me today that my clothes are gay. I said yeah, they came out of the closet this morning."

"Why do Russians have so many bear fighting stories? Because their liquor is strong and their women are hairy."

"i tried to share a hilarious pun with my kids but they had turned on dadblock plus"

"Every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passes."

"How did Jared lose 40lbs? He dumped his girlfriend."

"Why did Jesus Christ go to the doctor? His resurrection lasted more than four hours."