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Joke of the Day

"When I die, I want to pass peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa Not screaming in petrified terror, like his passengers."

"[A giraffe walks into a scarf shop] *The managers eyes turn into dollar signs*"

"Three cookies were crossing the road when the first one was knocked down. What did the third cookie say as he reached the pavement in safety? Crumbs!"

"What did Dave Grohl say when he dropped his hoagie off a bridge? There goes my Hero."

"What is the difference between Game of Thrones and Twitter? With Twitter you only get 140 characters."

"What did the deer first say when he got to church? Deer God, please forgive me of my sins."

"What do you get when you eat all the potatoes? They're all gone!"

"Why do Physicists make terrible parents? They think their children are small enough to neglect! Adapted from a Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal, I forget which one."

"I've been seeing a lot of these lately, so here is mine. I like my steak like I like my women. White and domineering."

"I say ""parched"" so everyone knows I'm thirsty AND an asshole."