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Joke of the Day

"I consider Words with Friends a work-related activity because it helps me take my mind off being stuck in this shithole."

"Appreciate this tweet. Appreciate it because I tweeted it stealthily on the plane AFTER they told me to turn my phone off twice."

"What do you call a math teacher who's really into BDSM? A denominatrix."

"Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the calendar factory? All he did was take a day off."

"On June 28, 2009 Stephen Hawking threw a party for time-travelers. He announced the party the day after it happened and he said no one came."

"JK Rowling has written an explanation on Pottermore for a spell that makes your legs fall off It's called the Pistorious spell."

"Donald Trump is Anti-Immigration But ironically, if he wins... there will be a lot of Americans immigrating outta the country"

"Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?"

"What did the rest of Europe say to the UK during the heat wave? ""UK m8?"""

"I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me."