208494

Joke of the Day

"I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to F off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!"

Next Joke
 
"Why did God create Adam before Eve? To give him a chance to say something."
"Yeah, I knew Shakespeare in college. Typical neck bard."
"What 8-letter word has one letter in it? Envelope."
"What's brown and walks upstairs backwards? A corgi with a boner."
"I wonder if Scarlett Johansson ever fantasizes about fat comic book nerds, or is that just a one-way street?"
"I need a punctuation mark that is halfway between a period and an exclamation point so I can answer texts without sounding bored or insane."
"Nothing makes me more proud of my son's sense of humor, than when he asks me for help with his algebra homework."
"House arrest? You mean permission to excuse myself from social interaction? Oh no, judge. Please don't."
"You guys have been the worst hostages I've ever used, hands down. *everyone lowers their hands* GODDAMN IT!!"