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Joke of the Day

"*destroys head of lettuce* *becomes new ruler of all lettuces*"

"I keep burning food with my Presidential Debate microwave... I set it for 2 minutes but it never stops on time."

"Now that Christmas is over, don't forget to be thankful for all the children in China who made your kid's toys."

"Think of how horrible Ray Rice and the NFL had to act in order to make TMZ seem like brave investigative reporters"

"What's Irish and stays out all night? Patio Furniture"

"What happens when you mix pandas and ammonium? Pandemonium breaks out."

"The doctors found a malignant tumor at my checkup the other day... It's really starting to grow on me"

"What do you call a mexican who just took a shower? A clean beaner."

"I was reading a book on antigravity. I couldn't put it down."

"TIFU by trying to catch fog I mist"