20811

Joke of the Day

"I need to thank the guy who honked while waiting for my parking spot for inspiring me to stay & write my memoirs in this Target parking lot."

"The good thing about being tall is, you can't get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can't get lost in a crowd."

"Today I fell asleep for twenty minutes during a thirty minute car ride, which was strange because I was driving."

"If whores, witches, ghosts and hobo's show up on my doorstep, I can only assume it's Halloween because our family reunion was in July...."

"I'm so poor... I can't even **pay** attention"

"I too like my women like I like my laptop. Laying there dying, while I masturbate to it."

"Do you love multiple trees? ...No. I'm mahogamous."

"To limit my smoking... I only smoke on days that start with 'T'... like Tuesday, Thursday, today, and tomorrow."

"What do you call cows that have a sense of humor? Laughing stock."

"""Give me a positive adjective..."" ""Splendid."" ""Nice. Now how about a negative adjective?"" ""Splendidn't."""