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Joke of the Day

"What do goats do on election day? Voat. co"

"Exclamation points are cocaine for sentences!"

"I'd rather spend my Saturday with the dead arm from '127 Hours' than attend a baby shower."

"When I hear the word ""aftermath"" - it always makes me hungry. At school, lunch period followed Math class, so we ate ""aftermath"""

"Sneaking into your house and eating just enough of the marshmallows out of your Lucky Charms to make you sad, but not suspicious."

"In 4.5 billion years the sun will burn out but on the plus side no more sunset instagrams"

"Why was the UKIP voter angry? Because he didn't like the look of the Poles (for this to make sense, pretend the UK election hasn't happened yet)"

"I've learned there are two types of people in this world: People I trust to help me bury bodies... ...and bodies"

"Who were the shortest people in the Bible? Let's see. There'sKneehighmiah, Bildad the Shoe-Height...oh, and Peter, who said, ""Silver andgold I have none,"" and no one could be much shorter than that."

"While on duty, a police officer comes across an injured baby horse. The cause of the injury unknown, but the officer suspects foal play."