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Joke of the Day

"I don't always have a cool Facebook status, but when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment."

"What did the snail say when he jumped on the turtle's back? Wheeeeee!"

"What's Irish and sits out all night? Patio furniture."

"My awesomeness, is second only to my modesty!"

"Why do artists die early in life? Too many strokes."

"One obtuse angle says to the other, ""Oh man it's hot in here!"" The other one replies, ""Yeah, it's over 90 degrees!"""

"""Honey, it's time we talk to him about the roaches & the fleas"" ""You mean the birds & the bees?"" ""DEAR GOD WOMAN HAVE YOU SEEN HIS ROOM!"""

"What do you call a woman who will sleep with absolutely anybody? Public storage."

"DON'T TELL ME THAT PLANTS MAKING THEIR OWN FOOD ISNT AMAZING. THATS LIKE YOU GOING TO TACO BELL BUT THE TACOS WERE INSIDE YOU THE WHOLE TIME"

"Schrodinger's Cat is depressed Cat: No one came to my birthday party/funeral"