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Joke of the Day
"Get an attack dog, name it Anxiety, laugh and laugh and laugh at Anxiety attacks."
Next Joke
"Working in porn for the free sex is like working at Chipotle for the free burritos Yeah, you're getting paid, but it destroys your asshole"
"Fun prank: Tell an English major how ""impactful"" something is."
"A midget fortune teller killed his clients and fled... He is a small medium at large."
"phones are so much more than just phones nowadays, like they can also be napkins, or paper towels, or tiny depression machines, or napkins"
"Statistics are like Bikini Atoll Their essence utterly obliterated for the purpose of proving a political point."
"I made a belt out of a bunch of watches, But my friends told me it was a waist of time"
"What do you get is you cross a ghost with a packet of potato chips? Snacks that go crunch in the night."
"Do not underestimate me. 16 just dared me to eat the fish food. It's freeze-dried worms. Wasn't bad. I'm hungry."
"My dealer said he'll be here in 20 minutes with the best popcorn ever. We're gonna watch a movie!"