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Joke of the Day

"At a gag gift exchange, I gave a woman a hotdog and a condom She said ""Frankly, I never sausage a small weiner."""

"What did the cannibal do to his girlfriend? Eat her out."

"I bought a thesaurus from Walmart and the pages were blank.. I have no words to describe how angry I am"

"A batch of muffins are baking in the oven ... a muffin says to the other muffin 'getting hot in here eh' The other muffin says HOLY CRAP A TALKING MUFFIN"

"two cows in a barn One turns to the other and says, ""Man this mad cow disease really has me on edge."" then other cow says ""*Pshh* I don't care, I'm a helicopter!"""

"What's the husband's equivalent of a wife counting the days since her last period? A husband counting the days since he last had sex."

"How did Captain Hook die ? He wiped his ass with the wrong hand."

"9 yo: Hey dad, where is the rest of that ladies bikini? Me: That is actually called a G-string, son. 9: Oh, does the ""G"" stand for gross?"

"Where does Obama keep his armies? In the Baracks."

"""My husband is such a pig. All I asked for was $100 for the beauty salon..."" ""He took a long look at me and gave me $300"""