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Joke of the Day

"I might be schizophrenic , but at least I have each other ."

"I'm starting a band. It'll be called ""The disease"" just so I can call Chris Martin to tell him he is part of neither the cure nor the disease."

"I don't believe in star signs but that's me... typical capricorn!"

"I've reached the point of laziness where even laying around has become too much for me to handle."

"I had a job interview yesterday, I poured myself a glass of water and it overflowed slightly ""Nervous?"" asked the interviewer, I simply replied ""No I always give 110%."""

"If I commit suicide, it'll be for a shallow reason, like unrequited texts. But the note I leave will mention world hunger at least 11 times."

"What's big grey and flies straight up ? An elecopter !"

"Yes autocorrect, I was trying to find some 'amazon' weed"

"Why does Santa have 0 children? He only comes once a year and its a down a chimney."

"What's in a divorce fruit salad? alemony"