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Joke of the Day

"No matter how long I wait to pretend I just noticed the other person walking toward me in a long corridor, I always nod too soon."

"Twitter should send notifications when you're about to get fired and divorced."

"Of course I touch myself when I think about you It's called a face palm"

"The cashier is telling me to ""have a nice day,"" but judging by her tone she wants me to ""die in a tire fire."""

"CW: What did you do on the weekend? ME: I baked CW: Nice. What did you bake? ME: Me"

"What do you call an acid with an attitude? A-mean-oh acid"

"Optometrist dilated my eyes today; everything blurry Shortest time I have ever spent on the pot, says the wife..."

"SpongeBob Wait, I just realised something. SpongeBob lives in bikini bottom, and he's absorbent: oh no..."

"How many forever alone guys does it take to change a light bulb? One, but he wishes it was two."

"What would Bill Cosby's name be if he was Russian? Vladimir Puddin'"