206885

Joke of the Day

"If my wife ends an argument with ""Fine, do what you want!"" I'm pretty sure the words ""If you do, I'll stab you in your sleep"" are implied."

"How many skateboarders does it take to change a lightbulb? One...but it takes him 27 tries"

"Jesus and his apostles go to a restaurant... ""Table for 26, please,"" Jesus tells the hostess. ""But there are only 13 of you."" ""Yeah, but we're all going to sit on one side of the table."""

"Relationship Status: Got put in the friend zone by a succubus playing around on a Ouija board. I can't even get lucky in the spirit world."

"Scientists analysed sweat samples of 100 regular KFC visitors. 11 secrete herbs and spices"

"Never leave Sulfuric Acid in a metal beaker That's an oxidant waiting to happen."

"As horses say to one another. Any friend of yours is a palomino!"

"Did you hear about the man who proposed to his long-distance girlfriend? It was a ranged marriage."

"What do Iraqi men do that gets them laid on the first date? They give their women awesome Dinar."

"I found out it was snowing by looking outside. WTF Twitter? You are suppossed to tell me these things first."