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Joke of the Day

"I want to take my dream girl on a traction engine ride Things will get steamy pretty quickly."

"I came home and noticed my dishwasher was missing So I asked my kids what happened. Apparently she left me 3 days ago."

"""I never spit on the ground"" ""because it's the only one that always supports me"" ""wow, that's a deep thought"" *""ptoo""* ""AAH! MY EYE!"""

"What did the kid with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer"

"What did Hermoine say when she found out she's pregnant? Fetus Abortus!"

"Q: Why does a dog wag it's tail? - A: No one else will do it for them"

"If this song were a fish, it'd be a Tuuunna Fish Back me up here guys...I don't think this is a funny joke, but the person who said it is so sure it's hilarious"

"Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!"

"Don't let people tell you that life after college is nothing but being poor and tired. It's 100% true, but it's more fun if it's a surprise."

"Dance like nobody's watching. Paint like your girlfriend doesn't text you too much. Sing like you didn't struggle with algebra in 9th grade."