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Joke of the Day

"My niece just yelled ""MY DINNER IS BETTER THAN YOUR DINNER"" so I looked over and she was eating doritos with a fork"

"Did you see the guy at Walmart hiding from ugly people?"

"What does a piano, a tuna and a pot of glue have in common? You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna."

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? ""I don't think I can get hard -- I just got laid this morning!"

"Tim Cook just came out as gay... I wont be surprised if the Samsung CEO suddenly becomes gay too."

"How is Debbie Reynolds like my penis? They both had a stroke when they saw Carrie Fishers body."

"What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and re-sell it."

"A Roman walks into a bar... A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.... ""You mean a martini?"" the bartender asks. The Roman replied, ""If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!"""

"Why did the zombie get a gym membership? Gaaaainsss"

"Just listened to a conversation between 3 people under 18 and now I don't know how my Mom or a stranger didn't murder me as a teenager."