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Joke of the Day

"I named my hard drive ""dat ass"" so once a month my computer asks if I want to 'back dat ass up'."

"my sixth birthday party was so formal that we roberted for apples"

"Why do women love Jordan Spieth? Because he came second."

"For the last time... I'm not depressed. This is just how I eat."

"For Halloween i'm dressing up as a cloud and handing out celebrity nude photos instead of candy."

"A man is being arrested by a female police officer she informs him, ""Anything you say can and will be held against you."" ""Anything?"" he asks with a smirk ""Anything."" ""Tits please"""

"So I had a dream last night about eating breakfast. It was pretty *surreal.*"

"ME: I think I have a get out of jail free card COP: this is a do 1 jail sentence get the next sentence 50% off & it's for our other location"

"What is the difference between a feminist and a walrus? A walrus has at least two valid points."

"My friends say there is a gay guy in our circle of friends... I really hope it's Todd, he's cute"