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Joke of the Day

"I struggle against the ropes binding me, catching the scent of gas. ""You'll die too,"" I say. ""9 lives,"" my cat whispers, lighting a match."

"I once dated a guy with premature ejaculation. I don't know why. I knew it wasn't going to last. In fact, I could see it coming."

"Stacy wanted to keep our relationship professional That's when I knew she was a prostitute."

"What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician? One pulls rabbits out of hats and the other pulls habits out of rats."

"A neckbeard is talking to his friend about his trip to the doctor. He said they found a tumor, it's... M'lignant"

"So many things have made me laugh today but not one of them was funny."

"Reporter: Is there anything you can do to make people hate you more? Rodger Goodell: Coldplay is doing the Super Bowl halftime show."

"What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak!"

"White people can't say the N word, but we DO get to say things like, ""Thanks Dad"" and, "" Thanks for the warning, Officer."""

"Studies show that one in two and a half men are HIV Positive You can thank Charlie Sheen for that"