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Joke of the Day

"A neckbeard is talking to his friend about his trip to the doctor. He said they found a tumor, it's... M'lignant"

"From my handwriting identification skills. I have carefully deduced that Santa is my secret Valentine every year."

"Why can't Arabs manage the scoreboards at ball games? Because people get nervous when Mohammad starts counting down from 10."

"What do you call a stylish molecule? A molecool."

"Don't ask the Norse professor about his old subject... It's a Thor subject. And he still doesn't want to Friggen talk about it."

"What did the accountant with constipation do? He worked is out with a pencil."

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a bottom-dwelling scum sucker. The other is a fish."

"Best joke I've ever made *I open the door to leave the house* Me: It's raining outside? Mom: Yeah, and it's chilly; you might want a jacket. Me: It's raining chili?!"

"fred flinstone (my landlord): the rent is due me: say it fred: pls no me: i'm not paying fred: *sighs* the rent is yabba dabba due me: haha"

"I used to work at an orange juice factory but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate."