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Joke of the Day

"(Grandpa joke) If seagulls fly over the sea, what flies over the bay? Bagels. I'll be here all night, people!"

"Gay guys are fucking assholes"

"How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? 100 to Drink... 10 to Beat... or 0 to Eat."

"""Of course you can trust me. Look, I'll prove it. Close your eyes and fall backwards. I'll catch you."" *Bing! Twitter notification!* Thud."

"A Man Walks Into a Bar... Its sad how is alcohol dependency is destroying his family"

"Remember, I'm always here if you need shoulders for your ankles to lie on."

"You guys hear about the guy who was addicted to rohypnol (Roofies)? He'd been on 'em longer than he could remember..."

"Kiss me you fool. Embrace me you dolt. Cuddle me you simpleton. Marry me you megalomaniac. HAVE MY BABY YOU GARBAGE PERSON."

"Me: I just want to sleep! Brain: AND I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT EVERY LIFE CHOICE YOU'VE EVER MADE! Bladder: Oh & don't forget about me."

"What happened to the guy who ingested lead? It wasn't the lead that killed him, but rather the element of surprise."