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Joke of the Day

"What's more horrifying than finding a stack of dad's playboys in the basement? Realising one of them's still breathing."

"I'd get a lot more sleep if I didn't insist on reading the entire internet every night."

"""We were trapped in the elevator and had to make a terrible decision"" Which was? ""We ate Bill"" OMG. How long were you in there? ""4 minutes"""

"What do you call a pair of eyeglasses that questions its surroundings? Skepticles."

"[OC] Name something that can be a variety of sizes, but only comes in large. My penis."

"Excuse me, do you really need glasses... or are they just for looks?"

"If you want some alone time, tell your husband that you're going to watch the Bachelor. Even if you're not."

"I talked to San Andreas about the earthquake yesterday. He said it wasn't his fault."

"Word of the day - Obama. I opened a bottle of brandy and drank it Obama self."

"Why did the old lady throw the clock outside her window? SHE WAS MENTALLY ILL!!!!!!"