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Joke of the Day

"I can't watch porn with a storyline cause I get too invested and end up worrying about the delivery man losing his job for taking so long :("

"damn girl are you a mouse because your body is decomposing in my drywall"

"How are Bill Cosby and Santa Claus similar They both only come when your sleeping"

"New twist on an old joke (long) Don't know if this is the right place for this but I think fellow joke-lovers will think it's amazing. http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2013/11/18/guy-walks-into-a-bar"

"Two guys walk into a bar... The first guy looks at the second guy and says... ""You ever wonder why we always walk in together?"""

"What's the best part about a hooker dying on you? The second hour's free."

"Why can't humans hear a dog whistle? Because dogs can't whistle. (X-post from r/dadjokes)"

"If I had the power to time travel, I would mostly just use it to stop past me from eating stuff from the fridge that I'd like to eat now."

"Why don't you want to hang out with a dude from Chicago? Because 'Illinois you!"

"A guy wore a Hanukkah shirt to a Christmas party... He was in the Menorah Tee."