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Joke of the Day

"A man came back from the fruit and veg shop without buying anything. The trip was fruitless. edit: wording"

"I went to the Middle East with some marijuana... ... and I got stoned! ###AMIRITE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!^imsosorry"

"Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess"

"What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who likes to smoke weed ? A baked potato"

"When a big account that doesn't follow me stars me suddenly, I crouch down and stay still, hoping it will tiptoe up and eat from my hand."

"Why do men like to be on bottom during sex? Cause they only know how to fuck up."

"So my friend's bakery burned down yesterday... His business is toast."

"[getting out of prison after 10 years] GUARD: *handing me a paper bag* here are ur things ME: did none of u monsters feed my tamagotchi"

"I'm a Gentleman. I'll always give a woman my umbrella if it's raining outside. Unless she's wearing white of course."

"I bought an official Craig David fridge recently, and it's useless! It only chills on Sundays!"