204621

Joke of the Day

"I don't claim to know what happens inside the dishwasher, but I'm guessing that it's like the first 15 minutes of Saving Private Ryan."

"My girlfriend is like a motorcycle I dont have a motorcycle"

"What's the difference between an Afghan Military Base and a Pakistani School? I don't know, I just fly the drone."

"Yes, I have read 'Game Of Thrones'. No, It is not any different from the show. -Me, after watching Game of Thrones with subtitles."

"I got a puppy for my daughter... Good swap if you ask me."

"Scientists have found a nearby 'habitable' planet. I think I speak for most humans when I say I soooo want to rape it."

"I like the NSA They're the only government agency that listens"

"[vacuuming] Pick up your feet please. Kid on sofa: No! Ok *sucks kid into vacuum feet first* *turns to next kid* Pick up your feet please."

"Why are hamburgers essential to football? Because the game is played on a griddle-iron!"

"That awkward moment when you run into your old pizza guy and you're with your new much younger pizza guy."