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Joke of the Day

"I'm writing a book about introverts. It's not coming out any time soon."

"Why can hipsters listen to Michael Jackson again? He's been underground for five years now."

"What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts What do you call nuts on a chest? Chestnuts What do you call nuts on a chin? A dick in your mouth"

"that earthquake in LA was actually a huge crowd of white girls rushing into a wal-mart to buy a green t-shirt last minute"

"What's the difference between an Iraqi school and an Iraqi Army base? One poses a significant potential threat to ISIS and its continued existence. The other is an Iraqi Army base."

"Deez nuts hah goteem"

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The ""p"" is silent."

"Me: *braids girl's hair* Girl: *turns around, terrified* Me: The movie was boring me... *leans back in seat* *eats popcorn*"

"I thought about going into investment banking Then I lost interest."

"If The Bachelor was realistic they'd ask each other where they want to go out to eat and then never make a decision."