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Joke of the Day

"Did you know two melons of the same sex can't marry? Does that mean they cantaloupe? *Thanks to My Drunk Kitchen!"

"It looks like bathroom tai chi but it's me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser."

"I just read Jules Verne's 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea It sure is a story with a lot of depth."

"How are wives like cholesterol? If you ignore them for too long they'll probably end up killing you"

"Congrats to #LeonardoDiCaprio on his first Best Actor Oscar. You can stop sacrificing goats now."

"I just got back from a boner contest I must admit, the competition was stiff."

"What do you call a Mexican crossed with an octopus? I don't know, but it sure can pick lettuce."

"What's the difference between Trump and Satan? Satan will at least let anyone into hell."

"What has 75 balls and screws old ladies? Bingo!"

"A man brought a dead animal onto a plane... When the flight attendant asked what he was doing, he simply replied, ""It's my carrion luggage!"""