202491

Joke of the Day

"I was on a date with a girl and she said ""did you notice my finger nails?"" And I was like ""yes"" and she was like ""well I have no arms"""

"Don't let... ...an extra chromosome get you down."

"Studies show that your chances of getting murdered drop down significantly when you STFU and mind your own business."

"How do you figure out that your girlfriend is getting too fat? She starts fitting into your wife's clothes."

"What do you call two women standing side by side? Four abreast!"

"If my cat smoked weed it would be Meowi Wowee"

"What does a bartender give you when you need the feeling of a strong drink, but you're not allowed ton consume alcohol? Xanax since he's a Bartender"

"I swear, if I go to read one more goddamn article and I click on it and it's a video, I'll... I'll... tweet about it."

"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb. One, but the light bulb has to really want to change."

"What do the Titanic and The Toronto Maple Leafs have in common... They both look great until they hit the ice."