200519

Joke of the Day

"> Unsubscribe from LinkedIn > Delete email account > Sell house, live in woods > Find bottle in river > Has note inside > It's from LinkedIn"

"Two Ducks Two ducks in the airing cupboard, which one is in the army? The one on the tank......."

"There were over 14,000 wars before McDonalds launched the Dollar Menu. Since launching it, there's only been 32. Those are just the facts."

"A woman walks up to the bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. So the bartender gave it to her"

"5 and I are playing ""guess the number I'm thinking of"" with no limits and no clues. He's guessing sequentially from 1. Talk next week, guys!"

"Me: Sorry, I can't tonight. I already made plans. Him: That's too bad. There's going to be open bar and-- Me: What time should I be there?"

"In Hell, you cannot peel off the colors on a Rubik's Cube to solve it"

"Woah! Brian Williams' fly is wide open! Newsflash."

"Leonardo DiCaprio, Ellen Page set to star in a sci-fi adaptation of Colin Kaepernick's career. *Interception*"

"What do you call five African-Americans born together? Triplets."