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Joke of the Day

"A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, ""I slept with a Brazilian...."" The blonde replies, ""Oh my God! You slut! How many is a *brazilian*?"""

"Have you ever noticed the lack of trigger discipline cops have in movies? It's so realistic."

"Gets pulled over. Cop: You know the left lane is just for passing. And you were driving in it for the past 3 miles without passing a single car. Me: Oh yeah I know, that's why we're passing the blunt."

"How many US Congressmen does it take to change a lightbulb? Oh, please. Like they've ever changed anything that needed it."

"Why do skateboarders make lousy plumbers? Because they only use half pipes."

"Nothing says ""We have no faith in our own products"" like using a 16 year old girl in your anti-aging cream commercials."

"ME: *holding my crying newborn son* There. There. I ALSO find myself very upsetting."

"My wife suggested I get one of those penis enlargers... ... So, I did. She's 21 and her name is Megan. PS: Even though the joke is in first person, nobody told me to get a penis enlarger."

"Why was the umbilical cord sad? He got cut from the naval base."

"Why did twoface go to the dentist? He dented his tooth"