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Joke of the Day

"My friend went whale watching the other day... I didn't know people were paying to take pictures of my ex."

"From the list of things you should not be cheap about: pens, chairs, prostitutes, coffee, and dentists."

"Is this Love? by Midas Wellbee"

"What did the zombie farmer say he wanted? Grrraaaaiiinnns..."

"No thank you GPS. I have this magic ring on my left hand that connects me to the nice young lady in the passenger's seat who knows everything."

"I got 45 pages into writing my autobiography before I realized I was just typing the lyrics to Smash Mouth's ""All Star"" over and over again."

"What do you call a black guy flying a plane? A Pilot you fucking racist."

"How ironic is it that gay marriage is legal, but conservatives are the ones getting butthurt?"

"Welcome to Feng Shui Club, and I'm very happy to accept the position of the chair."

"She like, literally died. ~White girls' headstones"