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Joke of the Day
"What do you call a Polish person going down a hill? A Rollie Pollie"
Next Joke
"A guy goes to the doctor Doctor: I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating. Guy: Really, doc?! Like, forever? Doctor: No, just for a few minutes, so I can examine you."
"""Emma Stone"" ~ Italian man telling you he's high"
"How is the RNC going to wash themselves of the reputation Trump has given them? Lather, Reince, repeat."
"What do you call a melted penny? Liquid assets."
"I'm at my most Mexican when I'm chatting about a movie and I suddenly pronounce Antonio Banderas like a Telemundo newscaster."
"[first day as tour guide in New York] Me: that's the Statue of Liberty Guy: what is she clutching Me [awkward long pause]: all the liberty"
"If I had a gun and 2 bullets and I was alone in a room with you, Hitler, and Stalin, I'd look at you like how the fuck did we get in this situation."
"guy: hey that's a great truck. what kinda engine? me: [rubbing the hood] it's got a truck engine"
"How early do I need to start thawing the cat for Thanksgiving?"