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Joke of the Day

"Walmart has an alarming amount of security camera video with me humping stuff with a swimming pool noodle."

"People say there is safety in numbers... Tell that to 6,000,000 jews."

"Fact: A lot of women turn into good drivers. So if you're a good driver, watch out for women who are turning!"

"What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but their flag is a huge plus."

"God: okay I need to create something to fill the dark empty void in the meaningless lives of unmotivated people [creates Twitter]"

"Two fish are STILL in a tank one turns to the other and says ""NOPE!"""

"i made a joke about /r/jokes mods [Removed]"

"Not all white people die in hot air balloon accidents, but only white people die in hot air balloon accidents."

"My favorite gift to girls... is PTSD."

"My toddler is learning to speak so I'm trying to teach him some phrases for social success. Things like ""true dat"" and ""pass the gravy."""